Sunday, February 29, 2004

Mood: Tired
Song: Hilary Duff - Come Clean

Came back from depressing duty clerk duty earlier. It was absoulutely abhorringly boring. Yawn... I had practically nothing to do, just pacing up and down in the office, reading magazines that had uninteresting contents, listening to passe songs on radio, watching tv shows full of static, and there was even a pathetic attempt to write a poem. OMG. What am I doing to myself? Oh well, at least all of that is over. I even went to the clinic after booking out to get an mc for tomorrow. I am ill and I so need my lost weekend. Besides, there's the Academy Awards! How could I miss that? Anyway the clinic was a total rip off! Imagine an mc without a serial number? My God. The incompetent nurse over the counter even told me that this was the practice all along. Issuing mcs without serial numbers. Puh-lease. I could do one myself in that case. This is definitely the first and last time.

Recently I sorta felt a stint of compassion for my immediate superior, Ms Parvathy. LOL. Well, not that I'm siding her or anything, but I don't see the reason why my comrades refuse to get along well with her. Or at least a couple of them do, at surface level, but behind her back all the backstabbing begins with merciless rage. I just learnt that she got chased out of her boyfriend's flat because of miscommunication (euphemism) between her and her future mother-in-law. She was homeless for a few days, living in cheap hotels and searching for a home. Sure, we laughed at her, but somehow I felt a little sympathy. Furthermore, she told me yesterday that her boyfriend has this eyesight deficiency called mal... something... pathy. Can't remember. But it's a cureless condition due to deformed genes. The eyesight will gradually get worse and will eventually result in blindness. She told me that she never thought of leaving him because of his illness. And she's also unsure of what the future will bring for her. Oh well, I just smiled and nodded my head. What else could I say?! I just felt that perhaps we shouldn't think bad about her. She has her own problems to resolve and sometimes it's all too overwhelming for a struggling single woman like her.

Watched Cold Mountain on Friday with Joseph and although the scenic views were exceptional, I didn't really feel much for the plot. True, I know it got rave reviews etc, but somehow war films don't really appeal much to me. Moreover, the plot about two lovers torn apart by war is a relentlessly recycled one. I just loved Nicole Kidman's frosty makeup and how her facial features blended in effortlessly with the surroundings, especially in those snow-white scenes. The next show I wanna watch is Monster. Been on such a movie rampage lately. Watched 3 shows in the span of 2 weeks. Well, that's just life in boring, nothing-interesting-to-do Singapore.

Just finished the season finale of SATC, and it was absolutely f***ing fanbulous. It ended on such a heartwarming note, that one can't help but tear a little. The characters have each been given such unique entities that it's so easy to separate one from the others. Yet they combine to form a fusion so strong that it's almost inextricable. At the moment I most admire Miranda and her capability to love. She's changed so much from the very cynic that she used to be to someone that touches others' hearts by her very sincere actions. I wish I could be like that. But there's always something in me that holds me back. I don't know what it is, or how to clearly define it. Perhaps I'm too conscious of the way I present myself to others. Either way, I think I'll still be quite cynical for a while. LOL.

Gv complained @ 2:01 PM

{xoxo}

Saturday, February 21, 2004

Mood: Reluctant
Song: Mariah Carey - Open Arms

So, my first week as an official adult. Workload was heavy as usual, more expectations, more responsibilities, more bugging from people, more pissed off at certain tactless assholes, whatever. Life is ironically going downhill despite the fact that my ORD's drawing closer with each passing minute. Perhaps this is one of the paradoxes of time. When the urge is so strong, the goal seems just so far away. Perhaps I should relax and learn to take each day as it comes. Just leave my goals for now.

Watched Lost In Translation on Thursday and on the surface it seemed like such a boring old show with no evident plotline, no prominent action, basically nothing spectacular in terms of visuals. Yet, the power of silence in the show was so overwhelming that I'm somehow drawn to the irregularities of the characters and the subtleties that the film possessed. It's the friendship between the lead characters that somehow made me reflect on my own life. I feel like I'm doing what the characters in the film do, everyday. Just feeling bored of the present circumstances and wanting so much for a dramatic upheaval. Yet we're bounded by these such circumstances that we can't do much. Just like in the end when Bill Murray's character returns to the US, and Scarlet Johanssen's Charlotte awaits for the return of her husband. Sad huh?

Another sad part of my boring life. I watched Irreversible today. Reminded me of the Blair Witch Project and Memento, what with the always changing camera angles, and the story going in reverse. Anyway, it was just an okay film for me. I thought it was rather plain and straightforward in terms of the plot, and I didn't really flinch a bit when the rude and violent parts came on. Just gritting my teeth and feeling a little put off by the gruesome acts. Like disfiguring a face relentlessly with a fire extinguisher and of course the controversial Monica Bellucci's rape scene. Basically she was just sodomised and had her face smashed against the floor, and she came out of the ordeal being all bloody. That's all. Seriously I don't know what the hype was all about.

I really feel that my life's sucky at this point. Just watching movie after movie, and yet perversely I sorta enjoy doing this. I really can't bring myself to be that adventurous and be experimental at this point of time.

Gv complained @ 11:31 PM

{xoxo}

Saturday, February 14, 2004

Mood: Melancholic
Song: Luther Vandross - Dance With My Father

It's been a hell of a relaxing week. I've only been to camp for one day on Monday, which has never happened before I think. Anyway, the point is, it is (or was) my birthday week this week and I've never felt so free in my life. Just doing what I wanna do without anyone impinging on my freedom whatsoever. I'd better savour the remnants of the weekend before it all goes to pass. Next week and the upcoming weeks are never gonna be like the one which I've just had.

So how does it feel to be finally 21? An official adult? Getting the keys to watch R(A) movies, and having no parent accompaniment when going for operations, (touch wood!) or appointment that require parental supervision. Sure it's exciting, but sometimes age is just another number. Frankly speaking, I think the novelty has passed for me. Rather rapid I must say when my special day was just yesterday. Of course, like I told Sean, I don't really feel the need to have presents or anything. I mean, presents are nice and everything, but somehow as we grow older, we don't feel the need to have such nice surprises anymore. Or even if we're surprised, cynicism sets in and we'll just roll our eyes or give a "whatever" expression. It's almost become a cookie cutter sorta thing.

Nevertheless I'm certainly looking forward to the year ahead, especially when I've got slightly less than 5 months in the freaking army. Recent friend of mine, Peter told me that life in the uni will be more stressful. But somehow I think (at the moment), I can embrace the stress in the university than the myopic mindsets of the people in the army. I'm tired of this life that I'm leading.

Gv complained @ 3:30 PM

{xoxo}

Monday, February 02, 2004

A stream of consciousness that I conjured up last night. Been thinking and feeling morbid about some issues pertaining to me at the moment. Don't wish to dwell upon them, but they just seem so ever important. Moreoever, the sad fact is that I can't personally deal with them now. I'm having guard duty tomorrow. Dreadful way to start the week.

Another year gone by
Same old same old
Without a trace of difference
Same old same old
What I could have been
What I would want to be
Same old same old

The world drifts on by
Swirling round and round
In a whirlpool of disasters
Yet age seems to distinct
So distant
Same old same old

Faraway in the abyss not so long ago
Sea of regrets, a vast wasteland
Of if-onlys
If only they were non-existential
But alas
Same old same old

Another year flew by
Bittersweet irony
Never wanting to look back
Desperately not letting go
Fear
Hypochondriac

Scarred by so many winds
Indelible
Eliminating seems to unheard
Desire seems so rampant
Love flew by
Fluttering its stealthlike wings
Never faltering
Effervescent in the darkest hour
Impeccable

A life lost, a tale earned
The yarn spins on
Yet the spinstress goes
Same old same old

Gv complained @ 11:52 AM

{xoxo}