Thursday, June 30, 2005

Rock-a-bye baby

Disclaimer: This entry is just for me to vent out certain frustrations. For those who do not know what I am talking about, it means it does not involve you. And that is a good thing. Really.

I hate being rocked out of my comfort zone. Sometimes I do not understand why people close to me make certain decisions that will have a dramatic impact on me, especially in the near future. Do they ever consider the consequences? That, perhaps, I am unwilling to make or accept the change? The situation was not inevitable, yet the person chose to want the less travelled road. I really do not know what to think right now. Plain stupidity? Rash? Being a coward?

On second thought, maybe things are planned in a way to be like that.

I can only believe.

Gv complained @ 11:30 AM

{xoxo}

Monday, June 20, 2005

Family Tree and Photo

My third uncle passed away peacefully last Thursday from kidney failure. He was unmarried, leaving behind no spouse or children. He had been lying in the hospital for about 3 months, drifting in and out of consciousness. Sadly, I never got the chance to visit him even once when he was in the hospital.

My excuses? I was not close to him at all. I wouldn't know what to do or say in his presence. I had other commitments.

And I'm grateful that my parents never once asked me to go visiting with them. The only time I finally felt my guilt prick me, Mom told me that I could go with them on a Saturday. It is however, too late. And somehow I wonder if I could've known my uncle just a little, if I had visited.

Sigh. It is always when events, expected or unexpected occur that we would think of the repercussions of our past actions.

Today at the funeral, my youngest aunt passed around this blank sheet of paper to everyone, getting us to write down our full names and ages. She told me that she was planning on making a family tree, to keep up to date and to keep in touch with all of us. After all, my grandmother has 9 children (unfortunately only 8 alive now), and it is difficult with everyone busy with their own engagements, be it either work, study, or even both (for my cousins abroad).

She even suggested that the whole family go down one day to Botanic Gardens or some scenic spot to take a full family portrait or photograph. It would definitely be a loud and grand affair, especially with so many members in my extended family. I can't even know the exact number of people offhand, even if you ask me.

And then someone else (I think it was either Mom or my cousin) asked, "Wouldn't it be better if we had done this earlier?"

After all, even if we should do it now, there is one member missing.

Come to think of it, opportunities were always present for us to do the proposed. My whole family meets annually in a Chinese restaurant for my grandmother's birthday dinner. We also visit during Chinese New Year. Why couldn't we have taken a picture during those times? Why must we always wait till things happen before we plan our next route of action? And wouldn't it then be too late?

At this point of time, I can only think of one reason. That is, all of us take things for granted. That though we adamantly refuse to admit it, we hope that things would always stay the status quo.

Everyone put on a brave front today, except for maybe a couple of my aunts and cousins who lost control and wept. As for me, I had nothing to say. Basically I followed what Mom did throughout the service and left with her promptly after the cremation. After all, what could I do? I'm not expected by anyone to do anything, except perhaps to just show respect, which I did.

However, in retrospect, I guessed I could've made the effort to know my extended family more. Even though we are large in number, each one of us is only close to the people who share more similarties with us. The others are simply ignored or merely greeted with a conciliatory smile each time we pass one another by. If not for the fact that we're related by blood, we are almost complete strangers. Sadly to admit, I never gave much thought to such things in the past. My concerns and priorities did not concern family at all.

However, I've come to realise the importance of family ties. That indeed, the old adage and cliche "Blood is thicker than water" is somewhat true.

I certainly hope it's not too late this time.

Gv complained @ 8:05 PM

{xoxo}

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Je suis fatigué...

Sean and I have booked to take our IPPT next Wednesday. His window is closing, and I want to get it over and done with before the next semester starts. And so we dragged our lazy asses down to Bishan stadium early in the morning (at 8am, which is like how rare for me, especially during holidays) with the intention to run a few rounds around the track, and do some interval and circuit training.

Before everyone else rubs their eyes in disbelief, I say don't.

Because we did not do the above. Haha. He was late, and it was pouring mercilessly by the time he arrived at the stadium. Coupled with a misunderstanding between us (I thought he meant to meet at the MRT station, and so I was waiting at the MRT in a sea of pesky secondary school kids selling flags; he thought I was meeting him at the stadium), we ended up trying to find each other in the relentless rain.

Of which the attempt was futile, because himbotic me did not know how to read signs and find the way to the stadium. Haha... And so after a couple of phonecalls in the rain later, we ended up wet and hungry at Junction 8 Coffee Bean! Having nice breakfasts and coffees and teas! I even have proof!


Our excuse: We cannot run even if we want to because of the rain!
And I look sorta distorted in the pic!

Anyway, the rain still did not stop after we dilly-dallyed and finished our meals. So we went gallivanting around Orchard, had lunch (we're such gluttons!) and even went to KBox Paradiz! Haha!!! Talk about wanting to keep fit for IPPT! I even bought my first KBox membership card! So next time I can proudly use it when I go there! No need to ensure that at least one of the friends that I'm going with has a card! No need! Because I have the card now! Yay!

In case you're wondering that we're people who break promises made to ourselves, we aren't. Because we went to Toa Payoh Stadium to run after singing! Yay! Or should I say... sianz... Cuz I was like having the urge to faint and puke halfway through our proposed 12 rounds around the track! (One slow jog and one sprint, alternating). So in the end, we did only 5 rounds before we headed to the showers. Had enough exercise for one day. Really. And judging from my standards, it is really a lot of exercise for one day.

And I'm going swimming tomorrow! Need the stamina to ace (or I should just use pass) the test next week!

Very tired...

Gv complained @ 9:38 PM

{xoxo}

Friday, June 10, 2005

I couldn't find my right contact lens today. The case was just plain empty. Which was extremely puzzling and infuriating. I mean, I remembered clearly, specifically, definitely that I dropped the lens into the container together with the solution. And then I screwed the caps tight.

But then I remembered that perhaps I forgot, because I was sick that day, which was the last time I wore the lenses.

I am blaming it on drowsiness, and maybe plain carelessness. I don't know which because I still cannot believe that it is not there. But the fact remains. It's gone.

I am still puzzled. I've been wearing lenses for years. It's just like wearing a shirt. We never forget to button up the buttons. It's just the same for my contacts here.

Thank God the left one was still there.

Nevertheless, I had to rush down to the optician, pay $200 for the right lens, which will only be ready next week.

Sigh. I am frittering away precious dollars but I have no choice.

Gv complained @ 10:05 PM

{xoxo}

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

I am forever on waiting lists...

Drowsy drowsy drowsy... I can just fall plop onto my laptop.

Sigh...

Gv complained @ 8:56 PM

{xoxo}

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Of muscle aches, cramps, and everything else in between

I'm back from my ICT! Yay! I'm sure everyone is waiting to hear my complaints about this and that, as per usual. Haha, but I shall surprise everyone, and I will not be complaining about my ICT, even though I very much want to.

But anyway, speaking of complaints, I fucking hate my timetable next semester! Arghhhhh! I just want to pull my hair out! Okay... I shall calm down and not think about it. It is definitely not anybody's fault except that I had to go for the ICT, and I had to rely on others to help me. So if my expectations are not met, I have only myself to blame. Right?!

Yes, I'm trying very very hard to convince myself of that.

And I thank God that I'm registered to read most of the modules that I wanted, even though the timeslots are at absurdly unearthly hours.

Besides, there's something else that I should be happy about. Was mindlessly surfing around earlier, and I chanced upon this blog where the blogger quoted an article I wrote for my school's arts magazine! It was an entire entry devoted to my article! Wow! Haha... yeah, I know it's a cheap thrill, but somehow reading someone else's comments about your article (and he actually quoted me!) really made my day. Somewhat. Imagine my surprise when I was just being a voyeur, reading a stranger's entries, when my name suddenly got mentioned! Haha...

For people interested to know what blog that is, ask me privately. I shall not shamelessly plug about that blog on my blog. Heehee.

Okay, now back to my ICT. Even though it took time away from my French classes, leading me to be seriously rusty about the language now, I am still thankful that I had the opportunity to go for the ICT.

And no, I have not turned over a new leaf. At least not yet.

But, I am thankful that I am back in touch with people that I've lost touch with for almost over a year or more. I am glad that the silliness between us has not been lost. And I am grateful that I have had the chance to get to know people (from other platoons) that I didn't really speak much to in the past.

Yes, despite all the cons of stupid reservist trainings etc, one good thing always comes out of it, and that is the friendship forged between people in "adversity". Haha. And I will always be thankful for that despite the circumstances. Besides it felt good to just revert back to doing brainless things (e.g. shooting... And I love the SAR21 rifle!) other than studying for exams or rushing to complete projects. I guess the one week distraction (esp. when I've had to face sucky timetables and the impending French exam next week) helped me to sorta see things in a clearer perspective.

I thought I'd never say this. But I'm glad I'd gone through the NS experience. It's really taught me a whole new world in spite of the discrepancies, extreme administrative inefficiencies and corrupted personnel.

Finally, just let me pass my IPPT. Haha.

Gv complained @ 9:37 PM

{xoxo}