Monday, June 20, 2005

Family Tree and Photo

My third uncle passed away peacefully last Thursday from kidney failure. He was unmarried, leaving behind no spouse or children. He had been lying in the hospital for about 3 months, drifting in and out of consciousness. Sadly, I never got the chance to visit him even once when he was in the hospital.

My excuses? I was not close to him at all. I wouldn't know what to do or say in his presence. I had other commitments.

And I'm grateful that my parents never once asked me to go visiting with them. The only time I finally felt my guilt prick me, Mom told me that I could go with them on a Saturday. It is however, too late. And somehow I wonder if I could've known my uncle just a little, if I had visited.

Sigh. It is always when events, expected or unexpected occur that we would think of the repercussions of our past actions.

Today at the funeral, my youngest aunt passed around this blank sheet of paper to everyone, getting us to write down our full names and ages. She told me that she was planning on making a family tree, to keep up to date and to keep in touch with all of us. After all, my grandmother has 9 children (unfortunately only 8 alive now), and it is difficult with everyone busy with their own engagements, be it either work, study, or even both (for my cousins abroad).

She even suggested that the whole family go down one day to Botanic Gardens or some scenic spot to take a full family portrait or photograph. It would definitely be a loud and grand affair, especially with so many members in my extended family. I can't even know the exact number of people offhand, even if you ask me.

And then someone else (I think it was either Mom or my cousin) asked, "Wouldn't it be better if we had done this earlier?"

After all, even if we should do it now, there is one member missing.

Come to think of it, opportunities were always present for us to do the proposed. My whole family meets annually in a Chinese restaurant for my grandmother's birthday dinner. We also visit during Chinese New Year. Why couldn't we have taken a picture during those times? Why must we always wait till things happen before we plan our next route of action? And wouldn't it then be too late?

At this point of time, I can only think of one reason. That is, all of us take things for granted. That though we adamantly refuse to admit it, we hope that things would always stay the status quo.

Everyone put on a brave front today, except for maybe a couple of my aunts and cousins who lost control and wept. As for me, I had nothing to say. Basically I followed what Mom did throughout the service and left with her promptly after the cremation. After all, what could I do? I'm not expected by anyone to do anything, except perhaps to just show respect, which I did.

However, in retrospect, I guessed I could've made the effort to know my extended family more. Even though we are large in number, each one of us is only close to the people who share more similarties with us. The others are simply ignored or merely greeted with a conciliatory smile each time we pass one another by. If not for the fact that we're related by blood, we are almost complete strangers. Sadly to admit, I never gave much thought to such things in the past. My concerns and priorities did not concern family at all.

However, I've come to realise the importance of family ties. That indeed, the old adage and cliche "Blood is thicker than water" is somewhat true.

I certainly hope it's not too late this time.

Gv complained @ 8:05 PM

{xoxo}